so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
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We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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