genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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