Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
