are you so shy because you have an std?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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