There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Randomize
