i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i think my mom watched the whole time
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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