my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
