He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he fucked my hip out of place.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
