piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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