Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
