the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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