mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
