he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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