it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
