highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
