My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize