just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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