I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
