True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
