why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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