He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She's not a foreskin expert like you
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
