you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize