My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
