If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
