it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
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yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
