it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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