I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
