you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My vagina is officially offended.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
