Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
