i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
being pregnant is like rehab
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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