I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
