She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
