hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
