when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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