I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
ok first of all what the fuck
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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