Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I can't turn off my feet"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
