who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
