You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
