Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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