New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
