The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My life is pants optional.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
