Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
