Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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