I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
