i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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