Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
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She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
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Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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