if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
