Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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