in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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