He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
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My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
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I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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