we have pet lesbian snakes
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
