i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
