there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
