Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
