I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
