You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
