oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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