What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
