I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
birth control should be required to get into college
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
