tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
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I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
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If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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