Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
