it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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