a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize