Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
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