just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
