The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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