Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
