Im at strip club and am horny
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
