fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
