dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
