I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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