She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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