Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize