i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
