Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
