I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
