everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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