i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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