She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My vagina is officially offended.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
