It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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