Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
